We’ve all been there before… Dumped and completely and utterly miserable. Anyone who’s experienced any sort of heart-break, usually due to the actions of another, will describe the experience as one of the most painful events that they went through. And typically once you’ve been dumped, and if you truly love or care for that person you’ll do things that you never imagined you’d do. Stalking that person. These days, that means facebook stalking–going to check their profile constantly, driving by their house, listening to the songs you two enjoyed together. I even read one story, of a woman breaking into her ex’s house while he was gone. You will usually beg:
“Please don’t dump me.”
“I promise I’ll change”
“How could you be so cold and throw us away”
“I’ll kill myself if you leave me”
And you’ll probably find yourself calling that person several times, a day, a night, a week. And interestingly enough you don’t feel pathetic doing so. You’re so desperate that your willing to do anything–even stalk them–just to make that person come back to you, or talk to you. You do things that don’t make sense. Crying. Acting suicidal. Having to go into therapy. Calling them 10 times in 20 minutes. Not taking a shower all week. Losing 15 pounds in the course of two weeks. And ONLY talking about that person to anyone that will hear you out.
And yet it doesn’t seem “pathetic” or “irrational” as we’re experiencing it–later on though after we’ve recovered the small shred of dignity that we have, we began to feel pretty stupid and embarrassed for engaging in so much degrading acts–just to win over the person that didn’t even want us.
Yep. Break ups are horrible. They’re irrational. They’re embarrassing. And yes we do things that don’t make sense, and that we’ll regret.
But one of the WORSE things you could possibly do is write a letter to the ex.
Some people write letters to the dumper, to “win” them over. These letters will usually include all the changes that you’ll make, how much you love them, and how much of a good person you are. Or typically when dumpees are in the anger stage, the letters usually involve a ton of profanity, that person was to blame, and of course letting them “have it”.
These letters, feel good at first. But then days later, you most always feel a tinge of regret, and embarrassment.
The reason that writing the broken-hearted letter is such a horrible thing to do is because you can’t take it back. You can’t “delete” it, you can’t pretend it didn’t happen, because it’s visible and there for the dumper to always look at when they feel like it.
So whenever I’ve had friends read me angry broken-hearted letters that they want to send to their ex, I always immediately stop them.
And on hindsight, I wish someone had stopped me.
Have you ever wrote a broken-hearted letter? Did the ex respond? Did you regret it? What did you say in the letter?